Posts Tagged ‘sex’

Ladies, I am just going to say it, fucking is fun and we need to embrace our right to enjoy it.  I wish I had come to this conclusion before I hit my forties, but hey, better late to the party then missing it altogether.

Let me begin this discussion by pointing out that it is incredibly important to teach our young people that no means no.  Our girls should be told that no one should pressure them into sex, and that they are in control of their bodies and their sexuality.  We should teach our boys to be respectful and honorable when it comes to women and never to push themselves on anyone or take advantage of a person who is under the influence and cannot give consent.  There is tremendous value in lessons regarding safe sex and waiting till you are responsible enough to handle all the emotional aspects of intimacy.  I do think, however that in our earnest, we sometimes plant the seeds for an attitude towards sex that does not serve us well when we are in mature, adult relationships.

I’m not sure exactly how it happens, but once we are past the stage of frenzied teenage hormones and we have become comfortable with our partners, we operate under the assumption that sex is a commodity that woman get to dole out or withhold, and its men’s job to beg for it.  It somehow becomes ours to give or refuse, and the guys are perpetually put in the position of initiators. I am here to suggest that this arraignment does a grave disservice to both genders.

Ok women, before you get up in arms, let me ask you this; how would you feel if you went to kiss your partner and they turned you away.  What if you decided that you were all hot and bothered one night, planned a romantic evening, wore your sexiest get-up and they said, “yeah… I’m really not in the mood”?   You would be furious, insulted, maybe a little humiliated, and yet we turn down our guys all the time and expect them to recover from rejection over and over again.  Believe me, I am not implying that anyone should be bullied into sex or should have to comply when they are sick or miserable.  I am simply suggesting that you consider a request for intimacy on a night you’re not really interested like seeing a movie you wouldn’t have chosen if your guy hadn’t wanted to see it, or going to a restaurant you don’t love because its his favorite.  Give it a whirl not because its your duty or because you have been pushed into it, but because you love your partner and you are willing to give it a try.  Here is the kicker, nerve endings are nerve endings, and more often than not, before you know it, you are having a great time too.

I know what you’re thinking, ok, so I do that for the man, what do I get out of it?  Well, this is what I have come to realize, when women are always the ones who get to say yea or nay, it stifles our ability to enjoy sex to the fullest.  Just the concept that men are always after it and women are always saying no, creates the notion that men like sex more than women.  Once you plant an idea like that, it has a nasty way of taking root.  Not to mention, despite our supposed  growth in areas of sexuality, down deep there is still that nagging thought that if a woman admits to loving sex, then she is a whore.  Well I say, fuck that!  Sex is fun ladies, take it back! Decide right here and now, that you are going to enjoy it to the fullest and have it as often as possible.  For some of you this is a larger shift in thinking than others and you are probably not sure where to begin.  No worries, I am going to give some advice on how to do this, and stay with me guys because not only can you learn from my words of wisdom to the ladies, but I have some helpful hints for you that I promise are a straight path to getting laid.

Ok women, lets begin by just thinking about sex more often.  Allow your mind to wander several times a day, think about what really turns you on and then picture it happening.  In fact make a “fuck it” list.  Its like a bucket list only sexier 😉 Share this list with your partner and start making plans.  Reconsider some of the things that you previously put away in the “I would never do that” file.  Be brave, if you love and trust the person you are with than there is really no limits to the fun you can have.

Speaking of fun, try to reclaim your sense of adventure but keep your sense of humor.  Lets face it, sex can be funny sometimes.  Not everything on your list will turn out as planned and not every position is as good in practice as it is in theory.  Its ok to laugh in bed and admit that you NEVER want to do that again.

Remember that its your sex too, don’t be afraid to ask for what you want, give him a helping hand, or say, “hey I’m not done yet” We are so lucky, we can have all kinds of orgasms, no need to stop at just one even if he is done. You may be thinking, “oh but he is too tired once he has cum”  Yeah? well hand him a toy and tell him what to do!  Let him know what your favorite stuff is and then show him how to be the best at it.  Try not to worry that you aren’t supposed to like something, or that you may be judged.  If you have chosen your partner well enough than the bed should be a no judgement zone.  Feel free to have some cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, ass smacking fun if thats what floats your boat.  You want to make noise? Go for it. Wonder what it would be like to make him lay perfectly still while you tease him until he says PLEASE, by all means suggest it. In return don’t judge him either, fair is fair.  Try your hardest not to look horrified or say, oh gross!!!

Do things a “lady” is not supposed to do.  Tell him in the middle of the day that you can’t stop thinking about fucking him.  Suggest he come home on his lunch hour and be waiting naked. Watch a little female friendly porn and discover some new positions. Masturbate way more often, sexual stimulation has a funny way of creating desire rather than quelling it.  Most importantly; tell yourself from now on, barring sickness, or natural disaster, you will simply not say no.

Im sure that suggestion really pisses some woman off.  You may be thinking that to make such a promise would make you feel subservient or like a slut.  I can tell you from personal experience that nothing is further from the truth.  I made such a pledge to myself during my first serious relationship following my divorce.  It was an attempt to reclaim my sexuality which had seemed so lost to me.  The result of this little experiment was that I felt empowered, and that made me brave, which led to a type of equality in the bedroom that I had never known. This new equality in turn fueled the most mind blowing sex I have ever experienced.  Guess what ladies? When the sex gets really good, you stop wanting to say no.  If it is impossible, really impossible for you to have the level of trust that allows this to happen, then you are with the wrong partner.

Ok guys your turn, there are things you can do in order to create the kind of environment where a woman feels inclined to follow some of the advice I have just given.  I promise you, take my words to heart and you will be getting laid so often you’ll be begging for a break.

First and foremost, be kind and trusting in the other areas of your relationship.  When we feel safe, loved and cherished outside of the bedroom, it is a hell of a lot easier to be wild, fun, and open minded in it.  To be honest, romance is most effective when it shows up in the day to day stuff, the bedroom is a place for the end result, its not the starting line.  Give us the level of security that lets us feel comfortable taking risks and you will not be disappointed.

Speaking of romance, do you know what a grown woman finds romantic?  I will tell you a secret, flowers and chocolates are lovely but nothing drops a pair of undies faster then taking something off a woman’s “to do” list.  Do her dishes, the laundry, clean her car, and she will be naked in no time.  When our mind is not occupied with all the things we have to get done, we are free to think about trying that crazy thing we saw on Redtube the other day. 😉

Most importantly guys? Do not fall prey to the deadly Madonna/Whore complex.  This is that no win way of thinking that separates woman into good girl and bad girl categories.  I promise you, we can still be the kind of girl you take home to mom and also be capable of swinging from the chandelier, monkey fucking.  If we finally get brave enough to give you the kind of sex you dream about, then for heavens sake, don’t make us feel badly for it.  Count your blessings, let us know how unbelievably sexy you think we are then make sure you get lots of rest and drink plenty of fluids.

Hello, my name is Deirdre, and I am a female sports fan.  Phew, I’ve admitted it, it’s out there, and like they say in every twelve step program, the truth will set you free.  Let’s be clear here, I am not a fan of female sports, as a matter of fact, I couldn’t find them more boring, (pause here for angry muttering from my fellow feminists) I am a female fan of the least feminine sports there are, football and hockey, with a healthy interest in Baseball as well.

This wasn’t always the case, at the ripe old age of 44 I can only truly claim to have been a fan for two full seasons.  Although what I lack in longevity, I more than make up for in enthusiasm.  Never one to do anything halfway, I have taken to being a sports fan with the same dogged determination and A type personality that has shaped my entire life.  I pride myself in being able to speak intelligently about players, games, drafts, trades, and yes I even tried my luck in a football pool this past fall; consistently placing number one among female participants, not to mention more than half of the men as well. No, I did not choose by uniform color or cutest players, although I would be lying if I did not admit that I have favorites in both those categories (Saints for uniform, Wes Welker for player, sigh, he’s dreamy)

In addition, despite considering myself a rational person, I have dove headfirst into the pool of sports superstitions. You know where you believe that actions taken or not taken by you, single handedly effect the outcome of a game, a championship, perhaps a whole season?  I have many of them but most recently I have become convinced that there is power in my pigtails.  When I wear them, teams win, when I don’t, they lose, simple as that.  By the wayBostonfans, you are welcome for the recent Stanley Cup Win.  My attendance at four playoff games sporting the magic pigtails was the Bruins ace in the hole.  Ok, the pigtails AND Tim Thomas, it was a team effort.

For those who still doubt their power, please take note of this picture of me with four of the Red Sox, the game after this shot was taken, not only did we win, but each player standing with me hit a home run.  In fact it was the beginning of Carl Crawford’s turn around; although his recent injury may require additional pigtail time.

So where did this newly found sports love begin you ask?  How does a Theatre and Communications professor with an over developed sense of feminist outrage climb on the sports bandwagon?  Well, it began innocently enough with the development of my present relationship.  I had a new boyfriend, simple as that, and he had a season ticket to the Patriots.  We were in that giddy beginning stage where you pretended to be interested in each other’s hobbies and past times.  This meant he would attend plays with me, and that I was invited to my very first football game.  This invitation was not without stipulations; however, the coveted Patriots ticket came with a list of do’s and don’ts.  The do’s included; drink beer, burp, swear and bring something yummy to the tailgate.  The don’ts were simple, don’t complain about the weather and don’t ask to leave early.

I showed up on that cold Sunday morning wearing layers, armed with a huge pot of chili, and feeling a little out of my element.  Nothing like a horde of hungry men complimenting my cooking to make me feel right at home; there is nothing on earth that makes me happier than people liking my food. I settled in, tried not to think about the fact that I was drinking a beer at 11 am,(how else was I going to work up a good belch?) and focused on my swearing. My new guy was very helpful, “come on baby, you can do it, say fuck those fuckers!”

By the time we entered the stadium I was feeling good, belching with ease ready to let the f-bombs fly at the first sign of controversy. Going through the gates was like nothing I had ever experienced before; the sheer number of people, the palatable excitement, the shouting and cheering, my heart was literally pounding in my chest.  Going to a play is nothing like this! I felt like I was swimming in a sea of testosterone, and god help me, I kinda liked it.

This was not at all in keeping with my liberal feminist agenda, I should have been disgusted, annoyed, perhaps even a little frightened by this over the top display of male chest pounding. Instead, I was, hmmmm how should I put it, well, I was…….excited.  When the game began and I witnessed up close and personal all those big muscular men in tight pants alternating between displays of athletic grace and shows of brutal strength, the unexpected happened, I got unbelievably horny.  I even found myself thoroughly enjoying the cheerleaders with their skimpy outfits and perky pom poms.  I was swept away by the sheer display of physical beauty and primitive behavior displayed on the field below me.

I became addicted to way I felt when I was a part of this world and my guy became addicted to capping off a great football game with a slightly drunk, unbelievably horny girlfriend.  It really was a win-win situation and it is no surprise that I became a regular fixture at Gillette stadium for the rest of the season.  It was only a matter of time before he introduced me to hockey and I discovered how much I liked the sound of bodies slamming into the boards, and that horn they blow when we score a goal, oh man.  This stuff was better than porn (not that I would know anything about that) How the hell did I miss out on this for all those years?

This does not mean that I have abandoned all my feminist roots.  I still get mad over the glass ceiling and unfair pay scales.  I will always fight to protect woman against domestic violence and sexual assault.  I will teach my daughter to be strong and independent.  But I would be lying if I didn’t say it feels good to occasionally let go of my righteous indignation and be part of something bigger than me.  I like the collective feeling of being a fan, sharing a love of our teams with complete strangers and rooting for the good guys.  Its fun, its exciting, and it appeals to my most basic instincts.  There are some that may call me a fraud, a band wagon fan, a johnny come lately.  My response to that? Fuck those fuckers!